During dinner, my father shared that there's an ongoing policy formulation of divorce in the country of my origin. He asked me to ask him the reason why. He told me that one of the grounds for divorce "kung hindi na masaya" (if they're no longer happy) in the relationship. If that is the case (if the married couple is no longer happy), many then will divorce. Divorce rate would exponentially increase. Interestingly, many people believe (even some Christians) that marrying is to make you happy. Is that really? Part of it is happiness but it is not the entirety of it.
If both person is totally complete and fully satisfied in Christ, I believe that someone, a person (particularly in marriage) will not fully satisfy his/her joy in life, and only in Christ can someone find true fulfillment and joy. If one is not fully complete and joyful in Christ, he/she is not ready for marriage. Why? Because there would be times that he/she will not be happy. That's a guarantee. I heard from a pastor who has been married for more than 5 years, that "90% of marriage is not pure kilig".
One indication that a person is ready for marriage is that he/she would want to give love so much to the other person without expecting anything in return because his/her source of love is unlimited. The source of love is the "agape" kind of love that is only found in Christ.
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."1 - Romans 5:8
Here in Romans, in this "agape" kind of love, Christ didn't expect anything from mankind in order for him to love the world. Christ already loved the world even before people responded to him. Regardless of the person's response nothing can change the love of Christ to that person.
This agape love is different from eros which is a sensual/romantic kind of love. If people are just looking for romance without agape they might be extremely happy in the first few weeks or months of the relationship but will not last long (that's why they are superficial kind of relationships where people have been led to one-night stands). That is why the world says, "if you're no longer happy, go find another girlfriend/boyfriend"
Just follow what the world says, if you just want a "boyfriend/girlfriend" to make you happy, play around, and without any view for marriage. But if you are investing time with that someone with the intention and praying for "marriage" be ready to give, and give, and give love no matter what it takes. It may happiness but it is not only the deciding factor.
If you give love, then the person doesn't appreciate your act of love (whether time, gift, service.. etc) and you become disappointed or frustrated, then you don't want to love the person anymore -- it means there is a limit to your love. Then that kind of love (which has limits) is not "agape" because "agape" is unlimited. In contrast, if your agape is genuine, and does not grow tired of giving love (without expecting any in return), the recipient of that kind of love would just be inspired and encouraged to give love back. The receiving person has been planted with unconditional love for a significant amount of time, so it is no surprise that the person will also be moved, and transformed by "agape". Agape is contagious and it changes the person. The post-effect for those couples who compete on "who's giving love more" would be overflowing, fruitful, and continually grow in maturity automatically. That's how agape changes the basic unit of society.
Footnotes:
1 Bible Hub. https://biblehub.com/romans/5-8.htm (Accessed Nov. 17, 2023')
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